Most people learn from their mistakes, which doesn’t mean that they won’t make new mistakes. They did something wrong, and either no longer do that, or found a way to avoid the consequences.
The problem is the 5 percent of people who don’t learn from their mistakes. They might have poor impulse control, they might have an addictive personality, they might be sociopaths.
These people jump right out at you, because the decisions that they have made are wrecking their lives, and you can see it happening like a slow motion train wreck.
I want to bring my family as an example to prove that not always everything that happens to you is your fault. My fahter met his first wife and they made a child.
They both were alcoholics at that time, when she was pregnant she was drinking, not as often but often enough to harm her child. They divorced after some time and seven years after my father met my mother and i was born and four years later my brother.
My mother wasnt alcoholic and wasnt drinking when she was pregnant with me nor with my brother. Neither my father, he left this habbit it the past. My half-brother at 10 first time tried alcohol( 1 bottle of vodka).
He had bad grades in school, he had problems with concentration, physically we grew up to be much bigger and stronger than he is. He became and alcoholic, he wasnt able to secure any job for a long period of time because of that. In his mid to late twenties he decided to quit with the help of medication. For awhile everything was fine, but after some time he started smoking weed and after a few ears more dangerous drugs have followed.
He is 35 now, he is still addicted, works low-paid job where he can take days off when he cannot work(due to drug-binges), nothing significantly changed in his life.
My point is, its not fucking coincidence that became addict and its not as easy to quit and live healthy lifestyle as you might think. For some people it could be easier that for others.
An incident last night shook many aspects of my life. It was an incident that touched my heart deeply and made me realize the importance of our relationships, especially those relationships that provide us the most strength and security in life.
It was around 7 o’clock when I suddenly received a call on my phone. I heard someone crying from the other side. I immediately became alert and tried to calm her down and asked, “Bhabhi, what happened?”
There was panic in Bhabhi’s voice. All she said was, “Where are you? And in how much time can you come here?”
I repeatedly asked, “What has happened? Where is Bhai Saheb? Where is Mataji?” But the answer I got from the other side was, “You come quickly.”
There was panic and helplessness in the voice. I decided to go immediately and reached there within an hour.
When I reached his house, I saw that my friend, who is a judge, was sitting quietly in a corner of his house. Bhabhi was crying inconsolably, her 12-year-old son was also looking very upset, and worry was clearly visible on the face of her 9-year-old daughter.
I asked Bhai Sahab, “What has happened?” But he did not answer.
Then Bhabhi placed some papers in front of me and said while crying, “These are divorce papers. He has got them prepared from the court and wants to divorce me.”
I was shocked to hear this. “How can this be possible? We have such a good family. We have two children, everything is arranged. Is this a joke?”
When I asked the children about their grandmother, they told me that Papa had sent her to an old age home in Noida three days ago.
I tried to understand the situation and tried to talk to Bhai Sahab. I told the servant, “Make tea, we both will drink it together.”
The tea came, but Bhai Sahab refused to drink it. Soon he started crying like an innocent child and said, “I have not eaten anything for three days. I have left my 61-year-old mother in an old age home.”
There was pain in his voice. He told that since last year, his mother had been facing a lot of problems in his house. Bhabhiji had clearly said that she cannot take care of her. Even the children did not talk to her. The servants had also started ignoring her. Mother used to cry every day after I returned from the court.
Bhai sahab told that one day mother said, “Son, send me to an old age home.” I tried a lot to convince the family, but no one would talk to mother directly.
Bhai sahab told with a choked voice that when he was only 2 years old, his father had passed away. His mother raised him by working in other people’s houses and brought him to this position. And today, the same mother is alone in an old age home.
His words shook me deeply. He kept saying, “When we could not be there for such a mother, what will we be for our wives and children? We, who are pieces of their bodies, have handed them over to such people who do not know anything about their habits, their diseases, and their sufferings.”
It was 12:30 at night, and I saw the expressions of regret and guilt on Bhabhi’s face. I told the driver, “We have to go to Noida right now.”
We all reached the old age home in Noida. The gate was opened after a lot of insistence. Bhai sahab held the gatekeeper’s feet and said, “It’s my mother, I have come to take her.”
The gatekeeper asked, “What do you do sahab?”
Bhai sahab replied, “I am a judge.”
The gatekeeper said, “Where you could not do justice to your mother, what justice will you do to others?”
Hearing this, our hearts were filled with even more pain. The gatekeeper went inside and a lady warden came. She said emotionally, “What will I answer to my God if you take Maa and leave her somewhere at 2 o’clock in the night?”
We assured her that we were all feeling very remorseful. Finally she took us to Maa’s room.
The scene in the room is difficult to describe in words. There was a photo of the whole family next to Maa, and she had preserved it as if it was her last treasure.
When we told Maa that we had come to take her, the whole family hugged each other and started crying. Other elders around also woke up and their eyes were also moist.
After some time we returned home. On the way Bhai Sahab and Mataji were feeling the warmth of their old relationship again. It was around 3:45 by the time we reached home.
Bhabhiji had now understood where the real key to the happiness of the family was.
While returning, I kept thinking that Maa is our strength, do not let her become helpless. If she becomes weak, the backbone of our culture will become weak.
If any family you know is facing such a problem, then definitely teach them this and explain the importance of a mother. A tear that falls from a mother’s eye is a debt that cannot be repaid in many lifetimes. Comfort is only found in a mother’s lap, do not let that lap be torn.
