Ask them what their MOS is, or was.
Or if they are Navy, what their rate was. Or for Air Force, their AFSC. All of these acronyms are just fancy terms for “job” or “military occupation specialty.” (Don’t ask me what the AFSC stands for, the Air Force makes up some interesting acronyms.)
Any true service member, active, reserve, or retired will be able to give you a straight answer without taking a breath. If you want to be a dickhead, ask them where their schoolhouse was, and how long they were there. You’ll have the posers sweating bullets.
Ask them about their hair regs.
Most of us know this regulation by heart because we like to push it as far as we can before getting told to “get a haircut,” “fix your mustache,” or “go gel your flyaways down.” (And yes. Back when my curtain bangs were cut short, I got told to fix my hair quite frequently.)
Ask them if they’ve ever been ninja punched (NJPed).
As Chesty probably once said, “you’re not a real Marine until you’ve been NJPed.” You’ll get one of three reactions from a real service member. They’ll tell you no, they’ll bow their head in shame and say yes (if it’s fresh), or they’ll laugh, say yes, and tell you the story.
Non-Judicial Punishments (NJPs) are one of the more severe punishments you can receive in the military. Depending on how badly you screw up or on how disliked you are by your command, you can lose pay, rank, billets, etc. Pretty much anything you’ve worked for can get stripped away by a man (or woman) with a little shiny on their collar. And for anything between 45 days to six months, your life turns into a sh*t hole.
If they are wearing their uniform, look at their stack. You shouldn’t see the same ribbon twice. If we collect more than one of the same ribbon, we put a star on the ribbon to signify that we have two of those ribbons.
Two stars on that ribbon mean you have three of those ribbons, and so on and so forth. And if you know your ribbons well, some ribbons cannot be earned twice. (Hell I don’t, I know my stack plus a few others)
Ask them what each ribbon is for. Some ribbons are earned as “milestones,” (the good conduct medal, AKA the good cookie. Congratulations, you managed to keep your shenanigans under wraps for three years, have a cookie. I mean ribbon.) Some are earned due to right place right time, some are earned due to billets you’ve filled (Drill instructor, Recruiter, etc.), some are earned for serving overseas in different areas, each ribbon tells a story.
It may be a one line “Yeah, I hit the fleet and they gave me this thing after 30 days,” or it might be a story like “I earned this ribbon by being a first responder when I passed an accident on the highway.” Either way, every true service member can tell you what each of their ribbons mean.
And my favorite. “Hey Devil!” or “Hey shipmate!” or “Hey soldier!” You’ll either stop someone in their tracks with wide eyes and no color in their face, or you’ll catch a nasty attitude from some terminal E-3 who has been in trouble one too many times to give a rats ass. Or you’ll catch a poser who gives you a big grin because they have no idea what those phrases mean. Have fun!
Edit: This silly answer has received a lot of interaction, most of which has been extremely positive. I love hearing other people’s experiences while in the service. You guys really make me smile. And of course, I have the vet bros hitting me with “well I guess my 22 years don’t count because I’ve never heard the term ‘ninja punch…’”
Some know it as an article 15, going to mast, NJP, potato tomato.
Two things for you.
- Take a damn joke
and
- You’ve been out of the service for years. Take the stick out of your ass, realize that the grass IS in fact greener on the other side, and enjoy that shit. Enjoy the fact that you will never again be told to sweep the sun off the sidewalk by your NCO until they get tired.
I am aware of the fact that times have changed drastically, even within the past ten years. Some of your MOS’s, rates, AFSC’s don’t even exist anymore, and I will never have certain experiences you had, and vice versa. I am not trying to diminish anyone’s time in the service, this is simply my take on this question as someone who has been in the Marine Corps for the past four years. Thank you for reading!
Visually by looking at the small details on their uniform and by talking to them. Take a look at this clown:
This idiot is Kai Dups. He claims to be Canadian Special Forces even though he is a US citizen who lives in Grand Rapids Michigan. Take a look at his costume (it is not a real uniform.)
Start with the image on the left. See that shiny black tie? That’s not an issued tie. See that RCAF blue sweater he’s wearing? That’s old kit.
Take a look at the image on the right. He claims to he in the Canadian military but he’s wearing US Marine Marpat. Canadian special forces wear CADPAT or Multicam.
See that unit badge on the left side of his chest? Canadian uniforms don’t have those. See the unit name “CSOR 427” – there is no such thing. CSOR is the Canadian Special Operations Regiment and 427 is 427 Special Operations Aviation Squadron.
There is no such thing as CSOR 427. In other pictures, you can see his is wearing both airborne and special forces shoulder flashes. In one image, he is posing with a BB gun that resembles an M4.
M4s are not issused to Canadian Forces. He is also shown posing in winter with his sleeves rolled up and not even rolled properly and he is shown wearing a desert shemagh in the snow!
Anyone who has actually been in the military will need about 30 seconds of talking to a faker to discover that they are stolen valor douchebags. They won’t know basic things that any actual military person would know. They won’t understand terms that are common in the military that any person would know and they won’t know little details like the names of mess halls or buildings or bars/restaurants on bases.
Ah yes, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this episode of Stolen Valor Geographic.
Today, we’ll be discussing a few distinct creatures that roam the streets of the United States, claiming to be military/former military.
This is a First Sergeant wearing his ASU’s in public. But don’t be fooled by this creature. He’s not really a First Sergeant. Do not be scared. This creature enjoys human interaction and is not aggressive.
He will love sharing his stories of how many people he killed, and why he’s the commanding NCO of Area 51. He does this for attention, and possibly, to find a mate.
This creature can be easily spotted. But its most distinct feature is:
He did not earn these medals. He has a magnetic strip in his pocket, and the magnet must’ve snatched up those medals without him noticing, while he was browsing a military surplus store. A very fascinating spectacle indeed, ladies and gentlemen!
Here is, what we like to call, a Fuzzy General.
What we see, is missing name tapes, missing rank, and missing patches.
But what this creature sees are velcro places to attach all his awards. Sometimes, you’d see an American Flag stuck on where the rank would go. He would then proceed to say he was awarded this for saving the goddamn Queen of Britain from Afghanistan or something.
This creature often avoids male contact and stalks potential female mates.
This creature can be found in its natural habitat, the mall.
Why does this fake Staff Sergeant of the US Army enjoy the mall?
Food.
Times are different now. Usually, you’d find these fakes in your kitchen if you left crumbs out.
Now, they hang out in malls.
The fresh smell of donuts and military discounts attract these creatures. As long as they can feast on discounted fast foods and military discounts, they swarm the place.
My friend’s home was once infested with these fake Staff Sergeant’s because he left out a lot of fast food it on the kitchen counter overnight.
This creature does not care for any mates, intercourse, or friends. He only finds pleasure in the food and the discounts.
(Someone said he was deceased so I censored his face)
Ah yes. This one is the most obvious one.
A real soldier will never have this many awards.
But this creature has been in the military since the fucking War of 1812. Took him nearly 200 years to earn all of these awards and decorations.
This creature is on the very bottom of the food chain and poses no threat to humans.
